Are We Listening or Just Waiting to Speak?

So, one day I was talking to one of my close friends. Nothing too serious… until it became very serious. Like full-on debate mode. Both of us were passionately defending our own points of view like two TED Talk speakers on a mission to outsmart each other. 

And then, right in the middle of my big comeback moment, my friend hits me with: 

“Wait… are you in a mood to win an argument or can we just have a good convo about it?” I blinked. Brain said buffering… 

My mouth said: “HUHH?? I mean… of course, I want a healthy conversation too!” 

Then came the follow-up punch: 

“So are you listening… or just waiting to speak and make a win?” 

OUCH. That simple question? It hit harder than my phone falling face-down on concrete. 

Because the truth was: I wasn’t listening. I was just waiting for them to stop so I could drop my next killer point and “win.” [Plot twist: I wasn’t actually listening, I was preparing my TED Talk].

Spoiler alert: No one won.

But guess what? Once we both paused and actually listened, we understood why we were so rooted in our own views. It ended on a surprisingly warm note; not because either of us convinced the other, but because we felt heard. That convo stuck with me like the last fry at the bottom of the bag. And it made me realize - I do this a lot. And not just with that friend. With so many people. 

I then started noticing it around me too, many of my friends and family were doing the same to me. We were all just waiting for our turn to speak, not really hearing each other out. So I decided to unpack this mess, one messy thought at a time.

(Source: WisdomMadeEasy)

Why We Don’t Do It (a.k.a The “Me Me Me” Syndrome):

Let’s be real. Listening is hard when: 

• We’re hyped up to prove our point. 
• Our brain is crafting the perfect response while the other person is talking. 
• We’re low-key scared of being wrong. 
• Or worse… we think listening = agreeing (it doesn’t). 

Plus, in a world that rewards the loudest voice, being quiet and attentive feels like you’re losing. But spoiler again: you’re not.

What Happens When We Start to Listen:

MAGIC. Literal magic. Here's what changes: 

• Conversations stop being a tennis match and become actual connections. 
• You understand people more deeply (even if you don’t agree with them). 
• You catch subtle things - emotions, fears, the why behind their words. 
• People feel respected. And guess what? They start listening to you, too. 

It’s like going from AM radio static to full HD surround sound. The difference is wild.

Can We Change It? And How?:

YEP. Totally. But like gym memberships, it only works if you actually use it. 

Here’s what helped me: 

• Pause before replying: Let their words land. Breathe. 
• Ask questions: Not to trap them, but to understand them. 
• Remind yourself: It’s not a battle. It’s a bridge. 
• Listen to respond... less. Listen to connect... more. 

And when your brain starts rehearsing your response mid-convo - tell it to chill. You’re not on a debate stage. You’re having a moment with another human.

You Can Be Right or You Can Be Kind (Sometimes You Can Be Both),

That one random convo with my friend changed how I approach every discussion now. I still slip up. We all do. I mean… I’m no saint, just a work-in-progress with Wi-Fi. 

But now during a serious convo - I ask myself: “Am I really listening right now… or just lining up my next mic drop?” 

Try asking yourself that next time too. 

Because listening? It's not about losing your voice - it’s about making space for someone else’s. And that, my friend, is a win worth having.